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5-Ingredient Collagen Protein Bars

Hi friends! Going to make this short and sweet because my baby is going to wake up any minute. In this season of life I do not have the time or mental capacity to create long blog posts accompanying beautiful photos that I once did… now it’s “how can I get this up and on the blog asap” so they can make the recipe with me?!

Does anyone even read blog posts anymore? I miss the old days.

Okay, stay on task and make it snappy.

5-Ingredient Collagen Protein Bars… I’ve been making these for a couple months now and finally getting around to sharing them! This is a highly requested recipe and I think that’s because of the glyphosate-free collagen powder I use but also because most of the protein bars/collagen bars on the market suck and have terrible, gut-irritating ingredients. At least that is my experience. If you’re anything like me, you are trying to stay away from the heavily processed protein bars that make me bloated or hurt my stomach… and go back to simplicity. And who doesn’t need a quick and yummy protein bar to grab on the go? Or to have as breakfast with fruit and yogurt or something? These bars save me sometimes I swear!

Each bar has 9 grams of protein if you follow this recipe! Have 2 of them and you’re up to 18!

Coconut flour, collagen powder, coconut milk, sunflower seed butter and maple syrup. That’s it! I have not tried it with any substitutions.

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5-Ingredient Collagen Protein Bars

★★★★★ 5 from 1 reviews
  • Author: Shannon Leparski
Print Recipe

Ingredients

Scale

1 cup coconut flour
1 cup collagen powder
1/2 cup light coconut milk
1/2 cup sunflower seed butter
1/3 cup pure maple syrup

Instructions

Mix dry ingredients together first. Mix in wet ingredients.

Mixture is sticky! Press dough into a lined glass Tupperware. Add chocolate chips if you desire!

Refrigerate for 20 minutes. Slice into 10 squares. Store in refrigerator.

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Food Charts For Each Phase of Your Menstrual Cycle

I’ve been wanting to put a post like this together for a long time!

It includes a downloadable food chart for each phase of your menstrual cycle at the end. Throughout this post I have explanations of each phase as well. Throughout my cycle during February, I shared phase-specific plant based food charts with an overview of each cycle phase on instagram (also known as cycle syncing). The reaction was phenomenal! I haven’t found anything else like this, so I’m very excited to have put it together for you. Obviously there will be even more detailed descriptions and recommendations in my book but until then, feel free to refer to these charts!

*** For the cycle syncing food chart, there is a fun freebie (a PDF printout) at the end that you can download, print and hang on your fridge so it’s always on hand. This will make following the phases and corresponding foods SO MUCH EASIER! No need to worry about downloading each picture separately as I have put it all on one convenient page for you.

There are many ways to support your body’s hormonal ecosystem, but food and lifestyle are the pillars for healthy menstrual cycles. Let’s get into The Four Phases of the Menstrual Cycle. and vegan foods for each cycle phase too!

1: MENSTRUAL PHASE (lasts 3-7 days)

The menstrual phase can be considered as the ?winter? season in your body. Consider it a time to rest, conserve energy and hibernate. It is said to be a time when there is little distinction between intuition and logic, allowing you to gain deep access to your inner wisdom and gut feelings. The bleeding phase is naturally cleansing (physically and emotionally) so while you may feel raw and sensitive, you are also letting go of what no longer serves you.

If you do not become pregnant, then 12-14 days after ovulation is when the corpus luteum stops making progesterone and will get reabsorbed in your body. This drop in progesterone is what triggers your uterus to contract and you start your bleed. Day One of your period (and of your cycle) begins on the first day of heavy bleeding. This is great information to know for tracking purposes.

Hormones are now at very low levels which means you have lower energy, your skin is dry and dull, and may appear more red. You may feel more run down than usual but that?s okay because we can?t be ?on? at all times!

Menstrual Phase Foods:

You want to remineralize and restore your blood with food. The foods below are replenishing and rich in minerals like iron and zinc. Focus on miso soups, broths and stews with sea vegetables. Other foods to focus on include water chestnuts, hazelnuts, wild rice, fennel, chlorophyll, adzuki beans and coconut water.

2: FOLLICULAR PHASE (lasts 7-10 days)

The follicular phase is the phase right after your period, when the body prepares to release an egg (also called ovulation). It can also be considered as the ?spring? season in your body.

Each ovary has hundreds of thousands of follicles (sacs of cells containing an immature egg at the center). The pituitary gland is signaled to release FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) to stimulate a number of follicles to grow (but only one will win!). The maturing follicles release estradiol to thicken the uterine lining for implantation, should the egg become fertilized.

Think new beginnings and trying new things, creativity, happier mood, brain optimization, increased energy and awakening libido!

Follicular Phase Foods:

All of this internal work requires proper nutrients for healthy, maturing follicles. Think lots of healthy fats! The foods listed below contain high levels of vitamin B6, potassium, vitamin A, vitamin C, monounsaturated fats and fiber. Other foods to focus on include olives, asparagus, peas, cherries, plums, pomegranates, nut butter, vinegar-based sauces and dressings, broccoli sprouts and sprouted mung beans. Supplements to consider include zinc, iodine & selenium, vitamin B6 and probiotics.

3: OVULATORY PHASE (lasts 3-4 days)

The ovulatory phase can also be considered as the ?summer? season in your body! This is when the big event of ovulation happens. Typically, you are only fertile for 24 hours in your cycle (when the egg is released), but sperm can live in you for up to 5 days. This is because hey are nourished and kept alive by your fertile cervical mucus (which is a stretchy, egg-white consistency). This is why tracking your cycle, cervical mucus and basal body temperature are super important if you are trying to avoid pregnancy naturally. That way, you can either avoid sex altogether or use protection.

Around day 12 of your cycle, the dominant follicle secretes a surge of estrogen, prompting a flood of luteinizing hormone (LH). This causes the dominant follicle to grow rapidly until around day 14, when the follicle finally ruptures and releases the egg! This is why you may feel a sharp twinge or cramping on one or both sides of your abdomen. Ovulation is a vital part of the menstrual cycle and is the only way your body is able to make progesterone in the next phase (the luteal phase). You are MAGNETIC during ovulation!

Your skin may look extra glowy, the whites of your eyes appear brighter, you may feel more social and talkative, you have lots of energy, your libido is HIGH and you are probably having some great hair days!

Ovulation Phase Foods:

The foods below are cleansing, full of fiber and anti-inflammatory. Now is the time to focus on raw fruits and veggies. Other foods to focus on include cantaloupe, raspberries, guava, fennel, eggplant, okra, turmeric, pistachios and amaranth.

4: LUTEAL PHASE (lasts 12-14 days)

The luteal phase can be considered as the ?fall? season in your body. A time to turn inward, gain clarity and get answers. This is the time to prep for ?winter? and get things done that you?ve been putting off all month. You?ll feel inclined to finish projects, clean out your closet, meal prep and deep clean the house. This is all thanks to progesterone, the calming, anti-anxiety hormone that regulates your mood and promotes deep sleep.

The thing is, in order to make progesterone, you must ovulate (as you learned in the part above). The corpus luteum (what?s left of the follicle after the egg was released) forms into an endocrine gland and starts making progesterone. It is meant to maintain and nourish a pregnancy, should a fertilized egg be implanted. If not, the corpus luteum gets reabsorbed, progesterone plummets and you get your period! It?s an AMAZING process.

This is also the phase when PMS may strike and the hormonal fluctuations may make your skin break out. Lower estrogen levels mean less collagen so your skin may not feel as plump or glowy. Combat this with gentler products and all of the foods above. Do restorative or body resistance exercises instead of high intensity cardio workouts.

Luteal Phase Foods:

The foods on the chart below are warming, detoxifying and grounding. They include plenty of fiber and natural sugars to combat cravings. Other foods to focus on include jicama, garlic, onions, parsnips, jackfruit, persimmons, raisins, dandelion and millet.

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How I Introduced Animal Products After 8 Years of Being Vegan

This new path I’m walking down looks a little less weird everyday. I see my past life fading away and things feel easier, a little more “normal”. My husband doesn’t look at me funny when I make turkey or chicken for dinner. Also, my laptop of 8 years died, the one I wrote all of my books on, so it feels as though literally everything is new. I’m here for the fresh life start.

As I wade through this new way of eating, I wanted to share a post to help others going through a similar situation. At first, I wasn’t sure how to start eating animal foods besides fish. I actually forgot what I used to eat before my life of beans and tofu. Recipes felt foreign (but now it’s fun!). Cooking meat was something I hadn’t done in ages (over 8 years!). Buying meat in the grocery store was a unique experience and almost felt wrong at first. Even opening my (glowing) fridge to see animal foods was bizarre for a while. So many new experiences!

A note about digestion:

Keep in mind that if you haven’t eaten eating animal foods in years, it can be tough on your stomach at first because your digestive system could be lacking the enzymes. Adding a little enzyme support during the transition is a good idea. I take enzymes before each meal and they help tremendously. You can stop taking them when you intuitively feel ready and that timing will be different for everyone.

Give your body time to adjust. Give your taste buds time. Give your mental state and mentality surrounding animal products time as well. It’s not easy and I don’t want to sit here having anyone think this process was easy for me. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. There have been many ups and downs the past few months. Lots of emotional guilt. Lots of asking myself if I’m doing the right thing? But at the end of the day, I’m very happy and feel so much freedom attached to my decision that I know it was the right one for me. The no-bloat life is the life for me!!

I want to add that before eating an animal product, it helps to express gratitude for the animal, thanking them for their life and nourishment. It doesn’t make it easier, but it helps to connect to the animal. We all need to remember where our food comes from even if it’s not easy to think about. It shouldn’t be easy but it is apart of life.

Before I move on with the rest of this post I wanted to share a Facebook group that’s been particularly helpful and comforting during this big change. The group is called Restoration health: Recovery group for former vegans and vegetarians. I relate to many posts in there and people in the group are super friendly and understanding. They are going through exactly what I’m going through and it’s nice to sympathize with others who understand the guilt and doubts and mixed feelings. While I feel like I’m on the other side now, I still relate to this group!

How I Started Introducing Animal Foods:

I started with wild salmon over the summer and then a variety of fresh fish in Florida after deciding to stop being vegan. It was over the course of months and months. In case you missed my announcement blog post, read it here! Fish felt the most natural to me and maybe my only “craving” so far. After that I branched out a little more each day, or whenever I felt ready. I never force anything and only go with what feels right. It was a slow process and still is!

The phase of “what to introduce and when” is going to look different for everyone, depending on many factors. Remember to give yourself grace. Take it as slow as you need to. Don’t expect miracles right away. Try to stick with its “whole food form” as much as possible to avoid additional G.I. distress. Try to buy from local farms as well.

Below is a list of foods I introduced in the first couple months.

  • Fish – wild salmon, triple tail, swordfish
  • Collagen powder every morning in my king coffee
  • Dessicated liver pills (this or the Perfect brand. Liver pills are not for everyone; please work with a practitioner)
  • Bone Broth – be careful as this is high in histamines
  • Pastured and Organic Eggs (still unsure if I do well with eggs or not)
  • Ground Turkey in Spicy Chili
  • Ground chicken lettuce wraps
  • Chicken thighs (shredded) in homemade chicken noodle soup
  • Chicken Sausage breakfast sandwich (I like the Applegate Organics brand so far)
  • Turkey Jerky from Epic and these turkey sticks from The New Primal
  • Raw cheese (recently discovered I can’t eat dairy because I’m breastfeeding and it gives Summer eczema; so dairy is on the back burner for me for a while although I did well with it)
  • Turkey Bacon

I think that’s all I’ve introduced so far. This is plenty for me to handle at the moment haha. I’m just taking it day by day. My next step in my journey is to post some new recipes on the blog including animal products. What a trip that will be..!

Leave me a comment below with questions! Let us know which animal products you introduced first? Or what helped you through the transition?

xx,
Shannon

Why I’m No Longer Vegan

After 8 years of living and breathing the vegan lifestyle, I have outgrown the “vegan” label.

I’m trying to give myself grace in this massive transition because it’s quite a shocking shift but one that has been a long time coming. The decision did not come easy, as you can imagine. I’ve quietly pondered about it for some time and it wasn’t until I was postpartum that the idea became feasible and necessary for my physical and mental health.

I’m truly sorry if anyone is disappointed in my decision. I’m deeply sad but have come to accept this new way of life. Giving birth to my baby caused some major waves and shifts and a total re-birth of who I am, but I like to think my daughter brought me back to my true intuitive self.

So, what happened?

Well, I thrived for the first 5 years as a vegan but the last 3 have been a struggle for my gut health, in particular. And before you want to recommend a probiotic, it is not that simple, trust me. I am a integrative health practitioner. I have tried everything under the sun while staying vegan. Every probiotic and supplement. You name it, I’ve tried it (well as much as I can do while breastfeeding). I have major issues going on in my gut.. most likely intestinal permeability and SIBO (amongst mold and probably parasites) but, any high fiber food either bloats me like no other or leaves me in pain, as if there is a constant brick in my stomach. Any high histamine or high oxalate food triggers my mold symptoms (I already don’t eat gluten or refined sugar). The thing is, most plant based foods are naturally high in fiber and many are high in oxalates and histamines as well.

I’ve been living in quiet agony.

Until you have experienced such sensitivities to EVERYTHING you eat, it may be hard to understand. It got to the point that I ran out of food options which is a dangerous road to go down (being vegan is restrictive already). I found myself feeling scared to eat anything and/or not wanting to eat at all, to avoid the painful bloat. This is not like me because I love food and have a big ole appetite. I want to nourish my body not deprive it.

It’s puzzling right? Vibrant green juices, nourishing smoothies, rainbow salads, what could go wrong? The plant based diet is all the rage. The “healthiest” diet around (or so I thought). And for some people who don’t have underlying gut issues, I believe it can work. Maybe not forever, but we are all different and what works for one person may not work for another.

I went vegan before it was cool, back in 2014. I’ve watched veganism become trendy. I’ve promoted it on this blog for the entirety of 8 years. I did it the right way, not the junk food way. I did everything I was supposed to. I took B12 and monitored my protein intake and ate a lot of healthy fats and carbs. I never did raw vegan, never did a juice cleanse either. I always focused on “real whole foods”. Again, I felt amazing the first 5 years and could not imagine living life any other way. I was entranced in the lifestyle and everything about it. I made amazing friends through the community. I inspired hundreds if not thousands of people to eat more plant based meals. Even up until a year ago I couldn’t imagine stepping away from veganism (although I had thought about it from time to time).

For me, the bloating started a few years ago and it’s hard to pinpoint why because I was so unaware of what being bloated was like… I just thought I was gaining weight (which I was as well, the body holds onto weight as a protective mechanism in the presence of toxicity). There was so much inflammation that I was completely unaware of. But I started to realize that most of the plant proteins (which are pretty essential to live a health-focused vegan lifestyle) were starting to affect me. Same with high oxalate foods like spinach, beans, berries and chocolate which I was eating EVERY SINGLE DAY for years. I even hopped on the celery juice train for a while (terrible idea) but couldn’t figure out why it made me feel so crappy? Hello, the oxalates. Eating too many oxalates while you are dealing with mold in your body is a recipe for disaster. I had no idea I was dealing with toxicity but right around this time is when I started learning about Microbe Formulas, Cellcore, parasite cleanses, all things gut related, mold, food sensitivities, etc., all in trying to figure out my bloating issue. Healing is a wild ride.

About fiber: fiber is great for bowel movements and to help bulk up your stool but you can overdo it and I believe I have over the last 8 years. (FYI, animal products are devoid of fiber which is why they don’t affect me).

Lentils are the WORST offender (hello high fiber), same with most beans, grains, nuts, raw veggies, leafy greens and fruit. Fruit and dates bloat me like no other which sucks. Um hello, I can’t have fruit (except apples) which is nutzo. I don’t have time to soak/sprout all my grains and beans and nuts to remove the phytic acid/phytatea and it honestly doesn’t even help (I still bloat). I can’t have smoothies. I can’t have yogurt or anything with probiotics. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to why I bloat, but uncomfortable bloating everyday is not normal in case you were wondering. Not to mention it really effs up my body image.

The only options I had left were tofu and cooked vegetables which I was fine with but it’s not sustainable forever, at least not for me. Is that happiness? Tofu and cooked vegetables are all I was left with to not feel like sh*t on a daily basis? This was my breaking point. Especially because I’m breastfeeding and need to make high-quality milk… this way of living wasn’t cutting it anymore. I was so exhausted from wondering what the heck to eat. I still dread the thought of breakfast and it possibly ruining my entire day as it had for literally years. Side note: all of my symptoms went away during pregnancy and I felt AMAZING being pregnant. But every symptom returned full-force postpartum).

When I went vegan overnight (read my vegan story) it was for the animals. I was disgusted with our food system and mistreatment of them. In the last 8 years the vegan movement has been incredible in opening people’s eyes to what goes on in factory farms. The grocery store shelves are lined with unbelievable vegan food alternatives (that aren’t real food though…) I also believe the movement has guided more non-vegans to support smaller farmers who use the most ethical of practices, instead of supporting big business farming practices. I know some vegans will disagree with the idea of “ethical farming” because I was also in that headspace only a few years ago. But then I watched The Biggest Little Farm and my mindset shifted. I opened my eyes to other possibilities besides my little vegan bubble of a community.

So you may be wondering how/when this change happened?

I tried fish a few times over the summer and felt like I was breaking all the rules. As if I was betraying myself and my readers and doing something “bad”. On the other hand, branching out was nice, plain and simple. It was nice to enjoy a piece of fish with my husband and not feel like crap afterward. I’m pretty sure he thought it was a random fluke or just a phase I was going through. He supports me no matter what but I don’t think he saw this change coming either. After all, he only knows me as being “vegan”. It’s been an adjustment for everyone to say the least.

Anyway, before our trip to Florida this past November, I made the decision to step away from the vegan label for good and gave myself total food freedom while on vacation. I ordered fish and cooked vegetables most nights and my stomach was fine, no symptoms. A miracle! I can’t even tell you how freeing it felt. Such a weight had been lifted, like I had been missing out for so long. It felt so “normal” in a way and I no longer felt like an outcast or like so many foods were off limits for me.

When we got home I decided to try eggs but that didn’t go as well (update: I tried eggs again and they seem to be okay for me now!). I’m staying away from dairy for the time being until I further heal my gut after breastfeeding. I’ve tried turkey in chili and chicken in homemade chicken noodle soup (so healing with bone broth too). It still very much weirds me out (especially to talk about fish and chicken and turkey on this blog) but I know it will take time to get used to this change. I’ve been adding collagen powder (<< this one is free of glyphosate) to my king coffee and find it really soothes my gut lining while adding protein and amino acids that my body so desperately needs. I’ve also been taking liver pills which are so nutrient-dense and they make a noticeable difference in my energy, seriously. My body is loving them even though it’s still so surreal. I’m also taking these digestive enzymes before every meal – they really help.

Making any kind of big life change is challenging and healing is not linear… but deep down, this feels right.

There was never a moment where I craved red meat like some do. I purely crave the freedom to eat whatever my body wants and to heal my irritated stomach while bringing down inflammation. I’m not saying animal products are the answer to all of my problems because I need a specific root-cause protocol to truly heal, but animal products do not trigger my symptoms and that’s the most important part in my journey at the moment. I need a break from the constant bloat. I also crave the simplicity of using an egg in pancakes or banana bread instead of making a gummy flax egg. Or ordering fresh fish when I’m in Florida vacationing with my family instead of a crappy salad just because I’m vegan. Or not having to be the picky weird one while out at a restaurant. I don’t want to order from the sides menu anymore. Or taking my daughter out to breakfast someday when she’s older and being able to order anything we want. Feeding her food has been a whole new level of fun and re-learning experience for me, while trying not to imprint my food “labels” or ideas on her. It’s back to the basics. These are things I think about! I’m re-learning what it means to eat intuitively with more options and not confining myself to such a small box. That type of living is in the past for me.

While my heart is heavy, I still believe the plant based lifestyle has a time and place for whomever feels called to it. I love and loved everything about it. It gave me so much. It taught me so much. It is a HUGE commitment. Huge. Did I say it’s a huge commitment? Because my god it is. The vegan lifestyle evolved into my identity and ultimately my entire career. I’m forever grateful for the experience, I truly am (cue the tears streaming down my face). My three books are my proudest career accomplishments yet and are centered around balancing hormones on a plant-based diet. I wanted to give women the option to heal with plants if that is what they are drawn to. Do I still believe in my books? Absolutely. The foundations will always be the same regardless of your diet. I still make the recipes multiple times a week but maybe I will add in some meat or fish instead because I can’t tolerate most plant proteins right now.

Through this experience, I’ve learned that how we eat doesn’t have to be all or nothing. There can be some wiggle room. I’m not a bad person for stepping away from being vegan even though it was such a huge part of my life.

From now on I’m done with the labels. I CRAVE FOOD FREEDOM. For myself, for my daughter and for our family as a whole.

I hope you always listen to your body too, and don’t let a label get in the way of true inner health and happiness. Intuitive eating and living is something I’ve preached since day one and this change is not one I was expecting. But right now I feel at peace. I feel happy and content and excited for where this new journey will take me.

While I don’t know what the future holds, I do know this blog is everything to me. Not having the mental capacity to blog for the last 5 months has been wrecking me. I’m aching to get back and have posts lined up to share more about my gut health journey I’m on, healthy recipes, happy hormone tips, mom life and more. I hope you’ll stick around.

Love you all,
Shannon

What I Eat Postpartum and Life Update

Wow I have missed blogging! The last time I blogged was in June when I shared Summer’s birth story…I think about blogging all the time and am having somewhat of an identity crisis at the moment… I will get more into that!

I also wanted to share some meal ideas because I’ve had a few questions about what to eat postpartum? And how to cycle sync without a cycle?

First off, no need to cycle sync if you don’t have your cycle back yet. I personally feel like that would create unnecessary stress. And not sure how that would work exactly? Unless you pretended as if you had a cycle but again, there are more important things to worry about postpartum. Like your newborn baby! Your health! Your mental health! And sometimes just getting in whatever meal you can. There are days when I literally eat whatever I can find… mom life, you know? I’m often sitting in the rocking chair while Summer is napping in my arms wishing I had a healthy smoothie but all I could grab was a quick protein bar. I try to make up for the lack of nutrition and actual substance at some point in the day because my body craves and needs real food! And lots of it. But honestly, some days I hardly have time to make my king coffee, let alone plan out phase-friendly meals around my non-existent cycle, you know?

Life seems to be getting a little easier now that Summer is 3 months old but again, mom life is a beautiful mess. All you need to be worrying about is making sure you are taking care of yourself as best you can. Eating real, whole foods and not as much processed food. This is my goal at the moment. Stick to the real plant foods and not as many protein bars because I just feel better that way. Once your cycle comes back then you can start to think about how to nourish your body for the phases but even then… your cycle may be wonky for a while… so give yourself grace! Just eat intuitively, go with the flow and cherish this precious time as a new mama, things will fall into place eventually. At least that is where my head is at. One day at a time mamas!

Quick commercial break because the world is so heavy right now… so much is weighing on my heart and I’ve had to take a break from sharing about such big topics on my instagram for many reasons… but just know that I stand with all of you and will not give away my medical freedom. There is a lot going on in all parts of the world and it’s suffocating to think about.

Okay so I think I’m having an identity crisis? I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety as Summer is now 3 months and this is when many mamas have to go back to work. I don’t know how they do it!! I really don’t because I’m SO NOT READY. I know most people don’t have a choice and thankfully I have multiple income streams but I thought at this point I would be getting ready to work with clients as an Integrative Health Practitioner. Um.. I can hardly put away my laundry right now. I can hardly find time to eat! How the frick am I going to work with clients? I’m just not there yet. I also cannot imagine being apart from Summer. This is the time when she has started babbling and laughing and smiling and we’re having so much fun!!! My heart literally melts for her every single day. Maybe there will be a time when I will feel ready to hire a part-time nanny? So I can work a few hours a couple times a week? I don’t know. How do you mamas do it? My heart cannot handle being away for her for even an hour. But that is where I’m at. Struggling with wanting to start my practitioner business but also wanting to be with my baby 24/7. I know many of you can relate to my feelings! Again, I’m not worrying and just taking life day by day. I think I will know when the time is right. I want to enjoy these moments as much as I can because she is all I’ve ever wanted and she’s here!! I want to eat her up.

Back to my postpartum eats. I CANNOT WAIT to start making recipes again but I’m just now starting to be able to do more in the kitchen while she plays on her play mat for a bit… she has started rolling over and it’s so stinking cute! Anyways, I don’t have too many pictures to share and I definitely am not eating fancy like I used to. It’s just whatever I can throw together. I wish I could make more of my recipes but lately it’s just my mashed chickpea salad, lentil pasta with sautéed veggies and spicy pasta sauce, Daily Harvest bowls, sautéed tofu on a salad, lots of veggie smoothies, avocado toast, vegan yogurt bowls with stewed berries and granola… That’s basically it haha. I know I’m probably lacking in protein and I try to work on it but I’m not perfect. My motto is “do the best you can”. So original right?

I also drink a lot of king coffee because it makes me feel human. Like a lot. Sometimes 3 per day and it makes me feel fan-freaking-tastic. No one will take away my coffee LOL. Also allll the spores and mycelium for headaches and anxiety and general well-being!

Mashed chickpea salad with greens
Vegan yogurt bowl with stewed berries, granola, hemp and chia
KING coffee, green detox veggie smoothie and strawberry pb toast
Fudgy vegan browniessssss
See?! Lots of king coffee #momlife
Green lentil pasta with sauteed zucchini, asparagus and kale with spicy pasta sauce!
More king coffee and when I have a headache I take 2 spore capsules!!

I hope to be back soon with some new fall-inspired recipes!!! Until then, miss you all!!!

The Birth Story of Summer June

Hi friends!

Wow its been a while. I’ve missed the blog so much! I’ve been soaking in all the newborn yumminess since I birthed a beautiful baby girl last month. Summer June was born in the water on May 24th at 2:02am. And I finally feel ready to write her incredible birth story. It’s taken me a while to process! I can already feel the tears in my eyes. Her birth was so intense. The most intense experience of my life and I thought I was prepared but I don’t think anything could have prepared me for it. I just had to go through the experience and come out on the other side as a new person. Here goes.

Saturday afternoon around 2pm:

On this day I was 40 weeks and 6 days. I had felt crampy and nauseous with mild contractions starting around 38 weeks but those were my only symptoms until this day. I went pee and while wiping felt something strange. Almost jelly-like. I looked at the toilet paper and it was my mucus plug. It was just a clear glob of jelly… that’s the best way I can describe it. I got SO excited and was smiling ear to ear. I thought my labor would start any minute LOL. Shortly after, I did start experiencing more intense contractions so I really thought “this could be it”. I think most pregnant ladies have wishful thinking, especially at almost 41 weeks… so I showered and started preparing all the snacks and coffee for the midwives. Then I talked to my mom while bouncing on my birthing ball and watching Sleeping With the Enemy (so good) but shortly after, the contractions completely stopped. And nothing happened the rest of the night.

Let me back up a bit. Once I hit 40 weeks I wanted to start trying some things to move it along. I don’t necessarily think these things work. Ultimately it is up to the universe when your baby wants to come! But again, pregnant ladies have wishful thinking. Just let them try whatever they want because it’s all they can think about. They’re way too excited to wait any longer, at least I was. So, all week I ate so many dates (I started that around 34 weeks tho), I bounced on my birthing ball for hours a day, did labor inducing Youtube videos, drank red raspberry leaf tea, pumped, went to the chiropractor, had sex, ate spicy food, took evening primrose oil (and stuck it up there too), ate a whole pineapple (and the core which supposedly is the most important part), and probably tried more old wives tales that I’m forgetting at the moment. So… after a whole week of trying these things to then lose my mucus plug, I was so happy! Things were moving along! But then everything halted.

Sunday morning – 11:00am

The next morning I woke up feeling SO off and anxious. Almost like I was getting sick. On this day I was 41 weeks. I was down in the dumps and I know exactly why. Because I was putting pressure on myself. Everyone was texting and calling and asking for updates because they were excited. But I was going crazy!!!! Because nothing was really happening and I was so sick of saying “nothing yet”. I was losing patience. I also did not want to get induced which could happen at the end of the week. My midwives let you go to 42 weeks and then I think you need to be induced (at least in Illinois). Not to mention the fact that I wanted her here so badly. I was SO READY. My belly was exploding. I was in pain and nauseous. I couldn’t sleep anymore. I was wondering what was going to happen??! When would she come? I did NOT want to go to the hospital to be induced. I couldn’t take the suspense. I was losing it. You know how it goes.

All week I had been toying with the idea of drinking a castor oil milkshake. I know what you’re thinking. What! That sounds dangerous and disgusting. It’s really not though… I mean, I know we are all different and could all have different experiences with castor oil but it is known as a “natural induction” in the midwifery world. It’s all I could think about between 9 and 11am that morning. Terry had been out fishing since 6am so I was alone with my wavering thoughts. I had so much anxiety so I just said f it, I’m going to try it. It probably won’t work anyway, you know? I was so negative nancy because I wasn’t feeling good and had lost all hope that she would come naturally. I just had to try something. Maybe next time I will have more patience.

So I made a delicious vegan milkshake with frozen banana, dates, cacao powder, full-fat coconut milk, vegan chocolate protein powder and 2 tablespoons castor oil. It was sweet and chocolate-y and made me happy. No, you do not taste the castor oil. I knew it was important to include protein and fat and make a meal out of it so it wouldn’t go right through me. Too many people drink castor oil plain and then end up on the toilet for the rest of the day but that was not my experience at all! I did not experience vomiting or diarrhea.

1:00pm

Within 2 hours of drinking the milkshake, I knew in my bones that things were happening. I started getting intense contractions that were 2 minutes apart. And then I started to freak out. This was so confusing? It’s almost as if I skipped early labor? Who starts labor with contractions that are 2 minutes apart?! Lol um… me. I had no time to think or gather my thoughts. I also think this is why I was not able to get on top of my breathing because it came on so quick. The castor oil really worked.

By this time it was maybe 2pm and Terry was outside watering our flowers. He said as soon as I opened the door and called his name, he could tell in my voice that it was time. I told him he needed to start filling the birthing pool ASAP, and he needed to call our doula. She was hesitant to come so soon but after listening to me go through a couple contractions on the phone, she was on her way. This made me really emotional for some reason! Like this was really it, my doula was coming to help me birth my baby and I was in shock. She did mention you often skip early labor after taking castor oil… which I was not aware of. Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing? Either way, I didn’t have time to think about it because baby girl was coming and this is how it was meant to go.

3:00pm

My doula arrived around this time. I was already in the birthing pool and my water broke because I felt it shoot out of me. Now I really don’t want to scare anyone because we all have different birth experiences but I am going to be completely honest in this blog post. Full transparency. I was not prepared for the excruciating pain. Looking back, I now know why it was so painful, which I will explain later. But if it wasn’t for my doula, I would NOT have made it through. I’m not kidding. She had to remind me to breathe and drop my shoulders for 12 hours straight. I KEPT FORGETTING. Again, I could hardly stay on top of these intense contractions. All the hypnobirthing tracks and meditations and breathing exercises went out the window. I forgot everything. So my doula (Heather) was an angel from heaven. Of course Terry was helpful and right by my side too, but he let our doula lead me through this.

Before I go further, let me set the scene because it most definitely was my dream birth scenario – at home with a birthing tub that had the most perfect temperature, surrounded by fairy lights, a crisp and rainy spring night, a Sunday afternoon into early Monday morning, calm music playing, dim lights… the scene and atmosphere were perfect, couldn’t have been better. But I still find myself jealous of others birth experiences… people who pushed their baby out in 20 minutes. People who had a “painless” birth experience and their baby just “fell” out of them. People who smiled or laughed during birth. Why do I find myself jealous? I think I’m still processing my experience and that’s okay. For whatever reason, I was meant to go through it how I did. And it was beautiful, don’t get me wrong! So I’m not exactly sure where the jealousy comes into play.

8:00pm

Birth is a wild and animalistic experience. All shame goes out the window. By the time the 2 midwives arrived (they come later), I was butt naked and still in the birthing pool. Just getting through each contraction, one by one, my doula holding my hands throughout it all. I had my eyes closed for most of my labor because I needed to focus. I was in excruciating pain, like an out of body experience that I did not expect. The cramping was beyond!!! The contractions would take my breath away!! At this point they checked me and I was 8cm but they didn’t tell me this until after. I really respected my midwives and doula because they gave me direction while letting my body do its thing. They never forced me to push and never told me how far along I was which I appreciate, after the fact.

10:00pm

By this time, I was 10 cm but again, they didn’t tell me. Things had sort of stalled for the next 3 hours. I was stuck at 10 cm for a while because her hand was stuck up by her face which we didn’t know at the time. I think she had a really difficult time rotating down through my pelvis, she was actually born with a lesion on the back of her head which they said was from her head scraping on my pelvis 🙁 this was heartbreaking to hear. But it explains why it was so damn hard. Funny because she often sleeps like this now, with her hand up on her face, so sweet! I was pushing with all my might for hours upon hours and was starting to wonder what I was doing wrong? Why was this so effing hard? Why was it taking so long? How much longer could I be in this much pain? Why do they keep making me drink sugary drinks that I hate? (lol to keep my energy up, I know). But the sugar was making me feel sick. And when was I going to meet my baby girl??? At this point I had already labored in the tub, on our bed, on the kitchen floor, in the hallway, on the toilet… I had tried it all and every position that exists, too. I was open to try anything. ANYTHING to get her out of me and end this pain.

Because things had stalled, my midwife wanted me to do some stairs and walk outside. It was probably 11 or midnight by now. Walking was extremely painful because I could feel her head in between my legs and I had to waddle. Plus, I had to stop every 30 seconds or so to ride the excruciating wave of a contraction. Going down the stairs was the worst part but getting some fresh air outside was a nice change of pace, despite being in agony. There was a chill in the air. It was so foggy and our backyard was pitch black. I was having contractions while clinging onto a huge tree. Talk about grounding! I still had my eyes closed the entire time though. I’m sure it was quite the scene for our neighbors LOL. Me in a robe walking around our backyard late on a Sunday night with my eyes closed, with Terry, our doula, 2 midwives and Taz. But it’s a moment I will never forget. And I will never look at that tree the same.

2:02am

If i was at the hospital, I’m 100% certain my birth would have ended in a different way because of her hand and how long it was taking… probably c-section or forceps, not that there is anything wrong with those endings, but I really wanted to birth her naturally on my own.

After being outside, we decided it was time to get back in the birthing tub and see if that would offer me some relief. Husband to the rescue. The water temperature in the tub has to be absolutely perfect for baby to be born into. Not too hot and not too cold. So Terry was a rock star dad and was taking enormous buckets of water out of the tub so they could refill it through the hose that was attached to the shower head with the perfect temperature of water. It took him a long while… he probably went back and forth from the tub to the bathroom for an hour honestly. I was in the tub throughout all of this though and I had no idea what was going on behind me. By the way, the midwives check baby’s heart rate every 20 or 30 minutes and it was always perfect!

It was probably 1:30am by now, I was in my own dreamland, falling asleep in between contractions and knowing I was getting close because her head was starting to crown. It definitely started to feel like a burning ring of fire… like your vag is going to split open. Ouch. Sorry but it’s true. After what felt like an eternity, her head popped out with her hand!!! FINALLY. THANK YOU JESUS. I felt so much relief and wanted to cry.

I will never forget what my midwife said next: “On the next push, you are going to meet your baby girl”.

I couldn’t believe it. I had (almost) done it. Everyone went quiet. The room was still. We were all waiting for the next contraction but I had some time to breathe in between. I think nature does this on purpose, gives you a moment to catch your breath before your life changes forever. I went inward and just sat with my thoughts. I was holding Terry’s hands and cuddling into him. I knew everything was about to change and my midwife was right, on the next contraction I experienced the fetal ejection reflex and Summer flew out of me into the water that was the perfect temperature. She was born at 2:02am. This was the easiest “push” I had experienced. I scooped her up and sat back onto the edge of the birthing pool. Terry came over and leaned into us. We cried tears of happiness. A happiness I had never experienced before! I DID IT. I freaking did it. Not going to lie, I felt like such a rebel and a fighter. I can literally do anything and take on anything the world throws at me. I had to prove to myself that I could do this. And I did just that, and then some. This experience was for me and my baby girl, and no one else.

Summer June has my whole heart. She is the sweetest little thing and I can’t get over it! I can’t believe we have a baby girl. Maybe I will do another post talking about my postpartum experience and how that is going but I want her birth story to be on it’s own, as it is. I hope you enjoyed reading!! I will cherish this experience for eternity.

Love you all.

Postpartum Recovery Essentials

I know I’m a soon-to-be first time mama, so I’ve been asking other seasoned mamas for the best Postpartum Recovery Essentials… so far, I feel very prepared with this list!

I will of course update the list after baby is here with what I used and didn’t use but recovery is different for everyone. So many different circumstances, etc. so I hope this list can act as a starting point for you (and me too)!

To break it down I have a list for my bathroom postpartum basket and then clothes and other miscellaneous items (including nursing bras, underwear, the coziest robe, loungewear, nipple cream, etc.)

Bathroom Basket:

  • Woven basket with compartments
  • Adult Diapers: for obvious reasons, right after giving birth, because you bleed a lot! The white ones came in my homebirth box from birthsupplies.com but I ordered more because I wasn’t sure these were enough. So I also have these purple ones that seem comfy. I got a size medium.
  • Mesh Underwear: I think you can wear these with pads (or padsicles!) for the first few days after giving birth. They’re disposable and very stretchy. I got a size large.
  • Large Pads (the pink pads came in my home birth supply box so not sure what brand they are? I ordered more though of these Overnight Pads that are clean and non-toxic.
  • Frida Mom Perineal Foam: cooling pain relief foam; from vag to tush
  • Frida Mom Peri Bottle: instead of wiping with toilet paper, you use a peri bottle to rinse and then pat dry
  • Dermoplast Spray: pain relief spray! People swear by it. I have a few different ones to try, obviously!
  • Earth Mama Perineal Spray: another perineal spray that people swear by and love
  • Cool Comfort Medicated Cleansing pads (a cleaner version of the Tucks pads)

Clothes, Nursing Bras, Robe, Loungewear, etc.

  • The softest robe you’ll ever own! For maternity and postpartum! I’m living in it lately.
  • Nursing bras: These are comfy but to be honest I hate bras that clip in the back… so I also have these that are seamless and no clips.
  • Button-down nightgowns: SO many have said button down is great for nursing and these are easy and comfy to wear in the beginning of new mama life. So I have a few of these
  • Underwear: These seem super soft and stretchy (in a good way) but still cotton.
  • Oversized T-shirts: To go with the shorts because I’m not sure my pre-baby shorts or shirts will fit! I got a few different colors in size large
  • Comfy shorts: Again, I doubt my pre-baby shorts will fit so I got a medium in these. They’re stretchy and not too short and I love them! I also have them in black and grey.
  • Leopard button down loungewear set: Again, so many have said to get button down sets for easier nursing! So I have a couple of these. I got a size Medium.
  • Nipple cream: So many recommended this one.
  • Sandal Slippers: Because why not. So cute and cozy!

Okay I think that’s it for now!! Maybe I will do a whole post on snacks next?! I’ve been stocking up in preparation because I hear you get very hungry while breastfeeding (which I plan to do!). Enjoy and let me know if I’m missing anything!

How I’ve Been Prepping for Labor and Birth!

Getting your mind and body ready for baby can feel like a full-time job! There’s lots to learn and lots to prepare, especially as a first time momma. But all of it is so special and fun! If you haven’t checked out my pregnancy resources post yet, be sure to look that over, so many goodies in there including childbirth courses, my favorite podcasts, vitamin k talk and more.

Not everything on this list is required, obviously. So pick and choose what works for you! I personally am doing everything. I sort of ran out of time to read all the books but trying my best. And while I remember my 6 dates per day, I often forget the tea because I’m a coffee girl, not a tea girl. But I do try my best to drink it a few times a week, especially in these last couple weeks. I’m going to make a big pitcher full and keep it in the fridge!

>> 11 Steps to Prepare for Labor and Birth:

1. Eat 6 dates per day!

To achieve this I make my new Samoa date balls recipe and eat 2 per day. I started this at 34 weeks. Sometimes I add a date to my smoothie too, for extra good measure and because I love their sweetness. Check out this post to learn how dates can make for a shorter and easier labor!!!

2. Red Raspberry Leaf Tea

Red raspberry leaf tea is an herbal tea made from the leaves of the red raspberry plant. Historically, it has been used in remedies as a tonic to tone and strengthen the uterus, and promote faster labor and easier postpartum recovery. Pregnant women looking to jumpstart their labor have long turned to raspberry leaf tea because it’s thought to be a uterine tonic that boosts blood flow to the uterus and strengthens the muscle fibers. That, in turn, is believed to have the potential to get the birthing process started by triggering contractions. Strengthening the uterus is also thought to stave off excessive postpartum bleeding. I think it works for some and not for others! Doesn’t hurt to try though, right? And it tastes yummy with stevia and a splash of coconut milk for an afternoon treat. They say you can start drinking this in the second trimester.

3. Evening Primrose Oil

Evening primrose oil is an oil derived from the seeds of the evening primrose plant. Often used as a health remedy, women have long taken it to relieve breast pain, PMS and menopause symptoms, as well as to induce labor. It’s a popular natural option and some swear by it! The oil is usually sold in capsule form. The capsules can be taken orally, but some women insert 1 or 2 directly into their vaginas, usually before bed. Others drain the oil from the capsules and rub it directly onto their cervix during the last days or weeks of pregnancy. The oil is thought to help thin the cervix, which can encourage it to dilate and jumpstart labor. I personally just take 2 capsules per day, but I may start experimenting with the other options, now that I’m 38 weeks!

4. Hypnobirthing course on the Expectful App

I’ve talked about this before on my instagram but it’s been SO NICE to listen to the hypnobirthing course instead of reading another book. I can listen while I clean, cook or walk Taz and it’s so very calming. Essentially, it’s a comprehensive hypnobirthing class that teaches you different breathing and visualization tactics to be utilized while in labor. It has helped to ease a lot of my fears and so many swear by it! I plan to listen to the meditations while in early labor! Just me and my headphones. I downloaded the Expectful app which is $10 per month and then after baby is here I will cancel it. I think this method can be so powerful, as birth is just as much mental as it is physical.

5. Pregnancy and Birthing Books

Like I mentioned above, I haven’t been the best with keeping on top of my books because this pregnancy has been a wild ride, but I have dabbled a bit into all of these! The first 2 I have finished 🙂

6. Chiropractic – (make sure they are Webster-Certified)

Because baby girl was breech there for a while, I was pushed into finding a Webster-Certified chiropractor at 34 weeks, to help get my body in the right alignment which in turn would help her flip on her own. They are trained specifically for pregnant mamas and helping baby to get in the optimal position. While that didn’t work for me, I’m SO GLAD I started seeing a chiropractor. They truly are amazing and it has turned into weekly self-care for me now. I highly recommend getting weekly adjustments starting at 36 weeks. It feels soooo good to get cracked!!! Plus you get to lay on your stomach for a few minutes which is heavenly.

7. Acupuncture

Baby girl being breech was the reason I started getting acupuncture, specifically moxibustion and/or acupuncture on the pinky toe which is known to help breech babies flip naturally. The moxibustion is an ancient chinese remedy where smoke sticks are attached to the pinky toe. While it was so interesting and I felt a ton of baby movement afterward, this method did not work for me. But it was worth a try! I do know acupuncture can also help women go into labor, so that is something to look into!

8. Sit on a Birthing ball, daily

Instead of lounging on the couch, bounce on a birthing ball for a while! This helps to open the hips in preparation for labor which helps get baby in the optimal position, it moves the lymphatic system which can help reduce swelling, it alleviates any pain or discomfort, it promotes good posture and increases blood flow to the uterus, placenta and baby! I plan to sit on this with my headphones in during early labor!

9. Stay active and walk everyday 

Even though it gets increasingly more difficult to stay active, it’s so important!! Walking has been my only form of exercise lately and I’m good with that. I also still do some Youtube videos from Nourish Move Love. It feels amazing to get outside and walk Tazzy though, plus it helps get baby in the optimal position! Staying active will keep your strength up for labor, and we know we need all the strength for that.

10. Print Birth Plans

Time to get your plans printed, just in case! It’s also nice to have on hand for your doula. My amazing friend Brittany from @nourishedwithbritt was kind enough to share her birth plan for a home-birth and also hospital, in case of a emergency transfer. I removed her name to make it more of a template so you can take it and fill it out. Please edit, add and change to your personal wants and desires. I know some things on here are touchy subjects – please do not come at me for certain things listed in the plans – this is PERSONAL CHOICE and is more so for laying out the protocols and environment you want your birth team to follow! Remember, you do you!

11. Get your hospital bag ready, just in case!

Here’s what I plan on packing, just in case of emergency transfer. I also think it will make it easy for my doula or midwife to grab something if they need it.

What’s in my hospital bag:

I hope you found this post helpful!! Let me know in the comments if I missed anything!!

Third Trimester Update, Breech Baby and How I’m Feeling Now

EEK! I’m currently 38 weeks and feeling all the things.

Nerves, excitement, anxiousness and cannot wait to meet baby girl! So soon! This pregnancy has been a wild ride and I haven’t shared an update since February… much has happened since then. Where do I start?

So at 30 weeks I found out baby girl was breech. My midwives told me not to worry because it’s still pretty early but I should start doing inversions and spinning babies. I didn’t think much of it because they were not concerned and never in a million years did I think baby girl would stay breech. Of course she would flip and cooperate. Right?! We had a plan you know? A home birth!

So then we traveled to Florida for 2 weeks and I had a virtual midwife appointment while we were there. I didn’t worry about baby being breech… but I really should have been worried and I should have been trying all the things. I had not been checked again until 34 weeks when I met with the doctor who I would transfer to in case of emergency during my home birth. She did a 15 second ultrasound and told me baby is still breech. She said if baby does not turn by 36 weeks you can schedule a external cephalic version (I had no idea what that was at the time, but its a procedure where a doctor manually turns the baby from the outside, using their hands), or you can schedule a c-section. She also handed me a spinning babies worksheet and our appointment was over.

BAM. My home birth plan blew up in my face and this is the moment I entered complete stress mode for the next 4 weeks. Once in my car I immediately started crying. What on earth? What do I do now? I felt numb. Only 3-4% of babies remain breech after 36 weeks. I cried and prayed every single day. My midwives are not comfortable with delivering breech babies at home, so this would mean a hospital birth. Maybe it’s different where you are and I know a breech baby is just a different variation of normal but where I live, no midwife will do this at home.

So I got to work. I tried LITERALLY EVERYTHING to flip her naturally. Everyday, for the next 4 weeks. I did:

  • Spinning Babies
  • Daily Inversions – twice a day
  • Laying on an angled ironing board with a flashlight on the bottom of your belly
  • Moxibustion
  • Chiropractic Adjustments 3x per week
  • Acupuncture 3x per week
  • Homeopathy (pulsatilla 30c) twice a day
  • Visualization and Prayer
  • Talking to her and playing music at the bottom of my belly
  • Handstands in the pool
  • Body code and emotion/energy release work

Everyone made it seem so easy which allowed me to have high hopes. SOMETHING is bound to work, right? Those 4 weeks taught me a lot and I have never felt so out of control. Baby girl has taught me that she has her own plans and as much as I try to change them, as a parent, you really have to go with the flow and accept what is. Babies are smart and have their own plans! My entire third trimester has felt like a never ending rollercoaster of emotion and it makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it. Of course I would rather deliver baby girl in the “optimal” position and at home where interventions are less likely. But would that be my reality? I had to come to terms with the fact that anything could happen and I had to mentally prepare.

At 37 weeks, she was still breech. Nothing worked. So now I had two options. I found an amazing doctor in our town actually, who is known for delivering breech babies. What are the odds? He’s the coolest doctor I’ve ever met and coming from me, thats saying a lot. I am miss holistic and like to avoid doctors whenever possible ha. What we liked most about him was his demeanor and attitude, how he’s keeping the art of delivering breech babies alive (it’s a lost art these days) and going against the grain. It’s rare to find a doctor like him. He was so calm and cool. So I could plan to deliver her breech with him, OR I could have him perform the external cephalic version so I could have my home birth. He prefers all his patients to try the version first. There are risks to this procedure of course. Baby girl could go into distress and result in an emergency c-section right then and there. My blood pressure could drop. Or the procedure could not work and I would be back at square one.

The amount of anxiety I had about making this decision was through the roof. There are risks to both.

But ultimately, I still wanted a peaceful home birth. So Terry and I made the decision to do the external cephalic version last week on Thursday. He was very supportive throughout all of this and I think he had some fears as well but this felt like the best next choice.

The morning of the procedure I was pretty calm. I couldn’t eat or drink anything. I also chose not to do the epidural and just power through. We walked into labor & delivery and they first started me on an IV in my hand, just in case of emergency. They gave me a shot of terbutaline to relax the uterus and make sure it’s in the right spot. They monitored babies heartbeat for a while and we could hear the doctor delivering a baby next door! 15 minutes later, the doctor walked in with about 8 other nurses and it was time. I felt a huge lump in my throat. They adjusted the hospital bed to have me laying down flat. The doctor applied lube to my belly and did a quick ultrasound to find her head and spine. There was a nurse on the other side of the bed and she asked if I wanted to squeeze her hand. Terry was standing next to her but the nurse had to be directly next to me. The doctor asked if I was ready and I closed my eyes and nodded. He started to turn her with his hands and I went to a different place… I could hear the doctor panting and sweating… the nurse kept reminding me to breathe as I squeezed her hand so freaking hard. After about 2 minutes he stopped to check and sort of mumbled something. I asked “did it work?”. He replied with “No, she flipped right back, we have to try again”. UGH are you kidding. So this time he tried flipping her a different way and I could feel EVERYTHING. My organs were being moved around and I was just praying that baby girl was okay. It felt like my uterus was being separated from my skin… yikes. It was an immense amount of pressure and pain. Within a minute he was done. He checked on the ultrasound and it worked! Her head was down. THANK GOD. What a freaking relief. I seriously never want to do that again but if you have it as an option, do it. If I can get through it so can you. But it is not pleasant by any means.

The nurses and doctor stayed in there a while to monitor baby’s heart rate because she was a bit stunned and her heart rate dropped… I was so out of it at this point and could not believe I just went through that. I had my eyes closed for the next hour. The nurse came back to bring me water and give me a shot of rhogam (which now I’m glad I did because I had major bruising afterward… which means there could have been a blood mixing). They monitored her for another hour and her heart rate went back up to normal so we were allowed to go home. My poor baby girl. I’m still processing it all I think? Even though it was terrifying, I know this procedure was our best option. If I had to deliver her breech I obviously would have (over a c-section) but I feel way more comfortable delivering her head down. Especially being a first-time mama and not knowing what to expect.

We went home and I rested for the next few days. The recovery was pretty painful and my belly was so tender, sore and bruised for about 4 days. But I’ve also been on a high because now I can have my home birth!! With my hubby, doula and midwives. So I’ve been preparing for that and trying to enjoy these last few weeks. I will do a home birth supply post and a postpartum essentials post as well. Now that I can breathe again and think about what comes next. For that whole month I was just trying everything in my power to help her turn naturally, but it all worked out in the end, as things do. For now I’m just trying to eliminate stress and rest as much as possible. Her due date is May 16th!! I’m already experiencing cramping and contractions, eek!

Thank you for your endless support over on instagram! It really has helped me get through. I documented the entire process on there in a highlight titled “breech baby” if you want to check it out. The lesson here is that things always have a funny way of working out 🙂 love you all and I’ll be back soon!